In a conversation a cream of Cameroon Concord Group reporters had with Cardinal Christian Tumi, the great man of God observed that the Almighty Father will ask President Paul Biya what he did with the lives entrusted to him.

Cardinal Christian Tumi walked among us and like the Master Jesus Christ the Prince of Peace; Tumi made himself of no reputation but made millions of Cameroonians to know that they can live this life and that they can walk this path with Jesus. Biya said in the presence of this reporter and the late Dr Martin Belinga that Tumi never came to him for anything. Cardinal Tumi has met HIM and he is now with HIM.

However, if the gates of Heaven had an immigration desk, Cameroonians could imagine President Biya arriving with the confidence of a man who has outlasted half the world’s political calendars.

Biya after seeing Marcel Niat, George Tabetando and Joseph Owona will attempt to jump the queue but will be ordered back by angels of the Lord.  

“Purpose of visit Mister President of Cameroon?” Saint John Paul II would ask.

“Retirement,” Biya would reply.

At that point, all the Angels and Saints including Marcel Niat, George Tabetando and Joseph Owona standing within a five-cloud radius would burst into serious laughter. Retirement? From CPDM politics in Cameroon? That’s like a mosquito in Douala announcing it has retired from biting ankles.

Saint Peter and Saint John Paul II would immediately call an emergency meeting. Not because President Paul Biya is standing on the front line!  Saint Peter and Saint John Paul II have seen a Cameroonian head of state in the person of Ahmadou Ahidjo, traditional rulers like Fon Angwafor and VE Mukete, cabinet ministers including custom officers and taxation officials from ENAM before — but because President Biya’s entry documents would probably be older than some constellations.

Saint John Paul II would whisper to Cardinal Tumi, “Didn’t Biya govern Cameroon during the era when fax machines were considered advanced technology?”

Cardinal Tumi would answer, “Yes, and somehow he still managed to govern mostly from the InterContinental Hotel in Switzerland.”

The conversation between Cardinal Tumi and Saint John Paul II would turn uncomfortable shifting to the many ordinary Cameroonians whose lives were marked by hardship, political repression, conflict, corruption and tragedy during decades of Biya’s rule. President Biya still standing at the pearly gate is now being told that Heaven, unlike CPDM politics, insist on accountability before admission.

Saint John Paul II will pull out an enormous ledger handed to him by Cardinal Tumi and say:

“Mister Biya, we have reports here from students beaten for protesting, villagers displaced by the war in Southern Cameroons, journalists silenced, families grieving children lost in several unrest and you’re trying to jump the queue and enter through the VIP gate?”

Biya would allegedly smile the smile of a confident successful man who survived every cabinet reshuffle under the late President Ahmadou Ahidjo and later became head of state.

“I have diplomatic immunity.”

To which Saint John Paul II would respond:

“Sir, during my time as Pope John Paul II, I visited Cameroon and reminded you that Heaven is eternity and does not recognize constitutional amendments.”

Biya will then attempt to enter Heaven illegally not by forcing his way through the gate or climbing a fence but by turning to Marcel Niat, George Tabetando and Joseph Owona and asking them to form a committee to study whether the gates of Heaven should remain closed pending a Grand National Dialogue and consultations extending until 2087.

Impatient angels would begin pushing Saint John Paul II to attend to the 14 Southern Cameroons civilians killed in Ndzerem-Nyam village and the 2 government soldiers in Big Babanki.

We of the Cameroon Concord Group are of the opinion that Cameroonian leaders may escape elections, critics or history books rewritten by CPDM loyalists, but eternity is a place where political power no longer bends the rules. In that courtroom above the clouds as painted recently in Cameroon by the Holy Father Pope Leo, titles disappear, entourages vanish, and every ruler including leaders of the Church must answer the same question:

“What did you do with the lives entrusted to you?”

To this I put my name

Soter Tarh Agbaw-Ebai